


"in a most delightful way"

by talkwordytome



Series: CAOS pre-canon kid!fics & family!fics [3]
Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Gen, Humor, Zelda is very out of her element, a little cracky, but that's okay, hahahahahahahahah, hence the fics, i am trapped in my apartment until schools open back up on may 1st, i have so much pent up energy, third fic in three days y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:40:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23305444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talkwordytome/pseuds/talkwordytome
Summary: “Do not even think of trying it, Sabrina,” Zelda says.“But why can’t we?” Sabrina says, gathering steam for an argument she’s already had with her aunt at least five other times that summer. “We have enough money. And we never go anywhere. Wouldn’t it be fun to go on a vacation?”“You know,” Hilda says, “she does have a point.”Zelda rolls her eyes so dramatically that her irises briefly disappear. “The only way you will get me to go to Disney World,” Zelda says, “is if you take my rotting corpse there in a body bag.”or: in which the Spellmans visit the Most Magical Place on Earth
Relationships: Ambrose Spellman & Hilda Spellman & Sabrina Spellman & Zelda Spellman, Hilda Spellman & Sabrina Spellman, Hilda Spellman & Sabrina Spellman & Zelda Spellman, Sabrina Spellman & Zelda Spellman
Series: CAOS pre-canon kid!fics & family!fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676038
Comments: 16
Kudos: 50





	"in a most delightful way"

**Author's Note:**

> Am I going to post a new fic every day?? Am I going to do it, folks?? I just might! I have anxiety, a lot of energy, and nowhere to go for six straight weeks, y'all!!!
> 
> This fic is brought to you by my desire to go safely back outside and my sadness that I maybe will die in an apocalypse without having been to Disney World!
> 
> Striking a balance between "sweet and funny but realistic" and "complete and utter crack!fic" was tough for this one, but I think I managed it? 
> 
> I've always assumed that CAOS takes place in the present day, which would mean that Sabrina was born in October 2002. So that means when this fic begins Sabrina is about to start the 3rd grade, and when it ends she's just finished 3rd grade. 
> 
> Title comes from "A Spoonful of Sugar" from Mary Poppins!
> 
> Another huge, huge, huge shout-out to csiscullyjanewaygay, my beautiful and fabulous girlfriend, for being my loyal beta reader!
> 
> Neither CAOS nor its characters belong to me!

_**August 2011**_

_A robin feathering its nest / has very little time to rest / while gathering its bits of twine and twig…_

_“Don’t tell me you’re watching this absolute drivel again.”_

“Mary Poppins _is not drivel,” Hilda says mildly. “Julie Andrews won the Oscar for it. And I seem to recall someone,” she glances over at Zelda, eyes twinkling merrily, “getting a wee bit misty over “Feed the Birds” last weekend.”_

_“Why can’t we clean up like that?” asks Sabrina from where she lies on the parlor floor, unintentionally rescuing Zelda from abject humiliation._

_“Because it’s demeaning,” Zelda sniffs. “Charming bureaus and end tables to life is not what our magic is for.”_

_“Bet it would be a lot faster than doing it by hand, though,” Sabrina mumbles._

_“Aren’t you supposed to be working through your arithmancy primer, young lady?” Zelda says, raising a stern eyebrow at her niece._

_“It’s too hot out, Aunt Zee,” Sabrina whines, pouting. “And that stuff makes my brain feel like it’s gonna explode. I did a bunch of lessons from my lunarmancy book yesterday. Can’t I just take a break?”_

_“Oh, lighten up, Zelds,” Hilda entreats. “Mortal school starts back up next week; let the girl enjoy what’s left of her summer. Besides, we’re in the middle of a movie marathon.”_

_“We’re watching_ The Aristocats _next, and then_ Beauty and the Beast,” _Sabrina adds._

_“Mother of demons, give me strength,” Zelda mutters. “When is this ridiculous Disney kick of yours going to end?”_

_“You know,” Sabrina says slyly, “my friend Charlotte went to Disney World with her grandparents during winter break last year. Maybe doing that would help me get over it.”  
_

_“Do not even think of trying it, Sabrina,” Zelda says._

_“But why can’t we?” Sabrina says, gathering steam for an argument she’s already had with her aunt at least five other times that summer. “We have enough money. And we never go anywhere. Wouldn’t it be fun to go on a vacation?”_

_“You know,” Hilda says, “she does have a point.”_

_Zelda rolls her eyes so dramatically that her irises briefly disappear. “The only way you will get me to go to Disney World,” Zelda says, “is if you take my rotting corpse there in a body bag.”_

_“Well,” Sabrina says, changing tactics, “what if I earn it?”_

_Zelda squints at her. “Go on,” she says._

_Sabrina thinks for a moment. “What if,” she says slowly, “I get straight As on all my report cards this year? Can we go then?”_

_“That does sound rather reasonable, Zelds—” Hilda begins, but Zelda holds up a pale hand to stop her._

_“You’ve been reading since you were three, Sabrina; straight As is far too easy for a wager with such high stakes. You’ll also finish all the lessons in your level 1 and 2 herbalism, arithmancy, and lunarmancy primers, all by May.” Zelda says. “That’s the deal. Take it or leave it.”_

_Sabrina beams. “Take it!” she says, shaking Zelda’s hand. She jumps up and races to the stairs, taking them two at a time. “We can finish the movie marathon later, Auntie!” she yells. “I’m going to get a headstart on my lessons!”_

_Zelda sits down comfortably in an armchair. “She’s never going to manage it, you know,” Zelda says smugly._

_“Mmm, I wouldn’t be so sure, Zelds,” Hilda says. “She’s a stubborn girl, our Sabrina.” She smiles impishly at her sister. “She takes after her Auntie Zee.”_

~~~

**June 2012**

A small, blonde missile launched itself into Hilda’s bed just after 5:00 AM. “It’s today, Aunties!” Sabrina whispered, her breath tickling Hilda’s ear. “We leave today!”  


“Sabrina, your feet are like ice,” Hilda mumbled. “What time is it?”

“Too early for this nonsense,” Zelda groaned from the next bed over. “Sabrina, our flight to Orlando isn’t until this afternoon. Go back to sleep.”

“I can just sleep here,” Sabrina said, snuggling under Hilda’s covers. “Auntie Hilda doesn’t mind, do you Auntie?”

“I suppose not,” Hilda yawned, already half-asleep. “Just keep those little icicles you call toes far away from my legs, please.”

“And don’t fidget,” Zelda said.

“I’m not even in your bed, Aunt Zee!”

“Yes, but I can hear it when you fidget,” Zelda said, fluffing her pillow. “And it is _most_ irritating.”

Sabrina, to her credit, managed to make it a whole 17 relatively fidget-free minutes before speaking again. “Can we wake up _now_?” she asked.

“Sabrina, so help me,” Zelda warned, sitting up in bed, “I will cancel this trip. _Go back to sleep_.”

Sabrina huffed, but shut her eyes obediently all the same. “I’ll go to sleep, but not because I’m afraid you’ll cancel the trip,” she said. “I know the tickets are non-refundable.”

“ _Sabrina Theodora Spellman_ \--!”

“Zelds,” Hilda said, opening a single eye, “shut up, please.”

~~~

“Aunties, have you seen my flip-flops?”

“They’re already in your suitcase, darling! Both pairs.”

“Hilda, did you pack the sunscreen? And the First Aid kit?”

“Yes, Zelds.”

“And the—”

“The back-up First Aid kit? I packed that too.”

“I can’t find my Ariel shirt!”

“Oh, that just went through the laundry, love; check the dryer.”

“Ambrose, are you certain you’ll be fine by yourself for the week?”

“Yes, Aunt Zelda.“

“You’re not to throw any raucous parties—”

“who would I even invite?” Ambrose mutters under his breath. 

“— _and_ no astral projecting to any bars.”

“Auntie Hilda, I can’t find Hugo anywhere and we _can’t_ leave without him!”

“That’s because he’s already in my carry-on bag, hen! Never fear.”

“And Ambrose, this house better be in the state we left it when we return.”

“No burning down the house; duly noted, Auntie.”

“ _Ambrose_ —”

“Zelds, the cab is here! Let’s go, hurry along!”

“Don’t _yank_ , Sabrina, I rather like my arm attached to its appropriate socket.”

“I’ve got my suitcase and Sabrina’s, Zelda, but you do need to grab yours.”

“Enjoy Disney World!” Ambrose called brightly.

“Oh, I highly doubt it,” Zelda whispered, already rubbing her temples.

~~~

“I am never, ever doing that again,” Zelda said as she stepped off the plane, face ashen. “That was the most hideous thing I’ve ever experienced, and I was a mortician during the Spanish Flu pandemic.”

“I liked it,” Sabrina said. “I got to watch Toy Story on the little special TV, and the flight attendant let me have all the Sprite I wanted. We should fly everywhere!”

“How’s your tummy, Zelda?” Hilda asked sympathetically as they headed towards baggage claim. “Still jumbled? I think I packed some ginger lozenges in the First Aid kit, if you like.”

“I’m _fine_ , Hilda,” Zelda said irritably. Her ears were stuffed up and she still felt a bit nauseous, but she wasn’t about to let them know that something as stupid as an aeroplane had upset her system. “Don’t fuss.”

“Satan, I’ve never seen this many poorly-dressed mortals at once,” Zelda muttered, eyeing the crowded Orlando airport suspiciously. “Do not even for a _second_ let go of my hand, Sabrina.”

“Can we go to the park as soon as we get our stuff?” Sabrina asked, half-skipping as they walked.

“We’ll want to check into the hotel first, sweets,” Hilda said. “It’s been a long day and we need to rest.”

“ _I_ don’t think I need to rest,” Sabrina said, squirming in Zelda’s grip. “ _Ouch_ , Auntie, that’s too tight.”

“Perhaps, but when do you ever think that you need rest?” Zelda said tiredly. “And I’ll hold your hand as tightly as I please, thank you.” She loosened her grip ever so slightly anyway. 

“Oh, look, that store sells Mickey Mouse ears!” Sabrina squealed, pointing to an airport shop. “Can I get some of my own? Charlotte got furry turquoise ones when she went to Disney World.”

“We’ll have plenty of time to get all the goodies you want once we get sorted and settled, Sabrina; don’t fret,” Hilda said, gentle but firm. “Zelds,” she said, turning to her sister, “can you stay here and wait for the bags? I’m going to take Sabrina to the loo.”  


“But Auntie Hilda, I don’t need to use it—“

“Off we go,” Hilda sang, pulling Sabrina along. They stopped at a bench just outside the women’s bathroom. 

“Auntie, I went on the plane, honest,” Sabrina whined. 

“Darling, I know that,” Hilda said patiently. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you in private for a minute. I know that you’re very, very excited for this trip, and I’m very excited that we got to take you. Your Auntie Zee is excited, too, but,” she paused to consider her next words, “this isn’t exactly… her _thing_ , dear heart. For all her bluster, she’s really quite anxious, you know, especially when she’s out of her element. And a mortal-packed amusement park in Orlando, Florida,” Hilda said, breathing a soft laugh, “are about as far from her element as it gets. Does that make sense at all, love?”

Sabrina nodded seriously. “Yeah, it makes sense,” she said, then hugged Hilda tightly. “Do you think we could buy the Mickey ears before we go back to Aunt Zee, though? Maybe we could get us all some and that would make her feel more like she belongs?”

Hilda briefly closed her eyes to keep from rolling them, choking back a laugh at the thought of Zelda Spellman sporting a cartoon mouse headband. “Yes, Sabrina,” she said. “I think that’ll be just fine.”

~~~

“Sabrina, stop wiggling,” Zelda snapped, hands covered in thick, coconut scented lotion. “We’re not leaving this spot until you have sunscreen on every inch of exposed skin. You are much too fair for the hot Florida sun.”

She adjusted her enormous straw sunhat, which Sabrina's fidgeting had knocked askew. In addition to the hat, she wore her version of "mortal at a theme park": a sleeveless blouse, a pair of wide-legged linen pants, and Italian leather mules. "Aren't you going to get dreadfully hot in those long pants, Zelds?" Hilda asked, snapping on the ridiculous fanny-pack she'd insisted was more practical than a bag.

Zelda looked down at her pants as if seeing them for the first time. "They're linen," she said, though she sounded a bit uncertain. "That's clearly a casual fabric-- _Sabrina!_ If you do not sit _still_ I am going to accidentally get sunscreen in your eyes, and don't come crying to me when it happens, young lady."

“But I can see Cinderella’s castle, Auntie Zelda,” Sabrina said. “How am I supposed to sit still when I can see Cinderella’s _actual_ castle?”

“What a charming little map,” Hilda said, consulting the colorful park guide they’d been given by one of the relentlessly grinning employees back at the Main Street U.S.A. entrance. “Everything is drawn with such adorable detail. And ooh, we can buy crepes! I haven’t had crepes since the last time we went to Paris, Zelds. When was that? 1927?”

“September of 1928,” Zelda said, wiping the excess sunscreen from her hands onto a tissue, “when we traveled with Virginia and Vita. And I cannot possibly imagine that these crepes would be at all close to authentic.”

“Still,” Hilda said wistfully. “Oh, look, they have a ride where you spin ‘round and ‘round in giant teacups! That is just _darling_ ; isn’t that darling, Zelds?”

“If I agree with you, will this inane conversation end sooner?” Zelda asked tartly, slipping on a gigantic pair of horn-rimmed sunglasses.

“The teacups are a baby ride, Auntie,” Sabrina said dismissively as she dug for her treasured Mickey ears in Zelda’s bag. “I wanna go on Space Mountain, and the Tower of Terror, and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, and—”

“And who exactly is going to accompany you on those rides, Sabrina?” Zelda asked as she repacked the sunscreen.

“Auntie Hilda will,” Sabrina said, though when she turned to Hilda she looked a bit uncertain. “Right, Auntie?”

Hilda smiled apologetically. “Ah, well, I’ll certainly go on the smaller rides with you, petal,” she said hesitantly, “but I’m not quite sure about the rollercoasters. Inner ear problems, you know, and terrible, just _terrible_ vertigo.”

Sabrina’s eyes filled with tears and her lower lip trembled. She was quite a picture as she valiantly tried not to cry in her sequined purple ears. Zelda shut her eyes and quickly prayed to multiple demons—and a few notable goddesses—for patience in the face of an oncoming tantrum. “Sabrina,” Zelda said, “we have been in this Satan-forsaken park for all of 20 minutes. It is too early in the day for tears. Save them for lunch, at the very least.”

“But it’s not fair,” Sabrina said, a few tears spilling down her cheeks all the same. “The big rides are the best but they’re too scary for me to ride alone. What’s the point of being here if we’re not going to go on anything?”

“ _What is the point_ —?” Zelda hissed incredulously.

“I bet,” Hilda cut in hastily, recognizing a very dangerous look in Zelda’s eyes, “if you ask her very, _very_ nicely, your Aunt Zee might just consider going on a few rollercoasters with you. Isn’t that right, Zelda? And Sabrina, can you promise us you’ll do your best to keep those tears off of that cute little face of yours?” She wiped Sabrina’s cheeks tenderly, giving her a warm smile. 

Zelda inhaled sharply through her nose. Hilda stared at her expectantly. “Let’s just,” Zelda said, with what she felt to be great restraint, “wait and see where the day takes us.”

~~~

“That… was… _awesome_!” Sabrina shouted joyfully as she exited Space Mountain later that day. She ran towards Hilda, who was enjoying some time on what she’d christened the Sit on The Bench and Rest ride. “Auntie, that was the funnest thing I’ve done in my whole entire life,” Sabrina said breathlessly, wrapping Hilda in a sweaty hug. “It goes so, so, so fast, like it even _starts_ fast because it _launches_ you at the beginning, and the hills make your stomach feel like it’s flying all the way up to your ears! And oh my gosh, Auntie, Auntie Zee screamed _so loud_ , louder than I’ve ever heard her scream ever—”

“Where _is_ your Aunt Zee, Sabrina?” Hilda asked.

“Oh, she’s coming,” Sabrina said. “She said she needed a few minutes to reorient her center of gravity, except I don’t really know that means.”

Zelda did finally stumble out the Space Mountain exit and slowly make her way over to where Sabrina and Hilda sat. “How was the ride, Zelds?” Hilda said, smiling nervously. “Enjoy yourself?”

“Enjoy myself?” Zelda echoed faintly, deathly pale. “ _Enjoy myself_? 

“You screamed really loud, Auntie,” Sabrina said. “It hurt my ears.”

Zelda brushed her wind-mussed hair from her face with shaking hands. “I feel,” she said, eyes closed, “like I have been turned inside out.”

“But you had at least a little fun, didn’t you, Auntie?” Sabrina wheedled with a mischievous smile. “It sure sounded like you had fun.”

“Fun?” Zelda said incredulously. “What part of that… that _monstrosity_ was meant to be even remotely fun? I had more _fun_ being… being _harrowed_ half to death at the academy than I did on that ride; I had more _fun_ during the Battle of the Somme, tending to oozing, bloody—”  


“Alright, that’s quite enough of that,” Hilda said, shooting Zelda a warning look.

“I’m glad we rode it together, Auntie,” Sabrina said sweetly. 

“You’d better be,” Zelda said grimly.

“Do you need anything, Zelds?” Hilda asked, gently touching Zelda’s shoulder. “Can I get you something?”

“How about a bottle of Valium and a stiff whiskey?” Zelda said, enough wry humor creeping into her tone that Hilda knew she was more or less fine. “Can you get me that?”

“How about a lovely big ice cream and some lemonade?” Hilda said, smiling knowingly. “We can save the whiskey for later, hmm?”

“Ice cream!” Sabrina trilled delightedly. “Can we get one of the chocolate popsicles that look like Mickey?”

“You can get a thousand iced mouse treats for all I care,” Zelda said wearily, “as long as I don’t have to ride anything else for the rest of the cursed day.”

~~~

The sun was setting over Orlando; under a sky dappled in brilliant purples and pinks, three exhausted Spellmans lazed by the pool. The fireflies had started their erratic tango, and they winked merrily at the bathers. The air was sweet and heavy with gardenia and clematis, mixed with the smells of chlorine and sunscreen. Hilda, comfy on her lounge chair, was complimenting Sabrina’s cannonballs in between reading chapters of her romance novel. Zelda, wearing a deep blue maillot that showed off her rather spectacular sunburn, was dipping her toes in the water as she nursed a hard-won whiskey sour.

“Aunt Zee, look, I can walk on my hands!” Sabrina said before diving under the water and into a lopsided handstand. “Did you see me walk?” she gasped when she resurfaced. “Did you see me? I went almost seven steps. That’s three more steps than last time.”

“Yes, very good job, Sabrina,” Zelda said. “You’re quite the little circus performer.”

“I can do flips too,” Sabrina said. “Watch, I can do three without taking a breath. Are you watching, Aunties?”

“We’re watching, hen, don’t worry,” Hilda said merrily without looking up from her book.

“Can I have french fries for dinner?” Sabrina asked, doggy paddling over to the side of the pool. 

“Why not,” Zelda said dryly. “We’ve eaten nothing but junk all day; why break the streak now?”

“Then can I have a cheeseburger too?” Sabrina asked cheekily. “And a double brownie sundae with extra hot fudge?”

“Don’t push it, young lady,” Zelda said, peering at her niece from over her sunglasses.

“I love vacation,” Sabrina sighed dreamily as she floated on her back. “I wish we could do this all the time.”

“Wouldn’t be much of a vacation if we did it every day, my little pumpkin,” Hilda said, then licked a finger to turn a page in her book.

“I guess so,” Sabrina said, kicking up a single leg like a synchronized swimmer. “But at least we get to do it for five more days.” She splashed away towards the pool’s biggest waterslide.

“Did you hear that, Hildy?” Zelda said, an edge of hysterical enthusiasm to her voice. “Five more days!”

“Oh, Zelda, it’ll be marvelous,” Hilda grinned. “Haven’t you heard? We’re at the most magical place on Earth.”

Zelda rolled her eyes and took a considerable swig of her drink, but Hilda could’ve sworn she caught a small smile on her face as she turned back towards the pool.

**Author's Note:**

> It's important to me that y'all know I consulted a massive timeline that consisted of literally every single thing Virginia Woolf ever did in order to include that lil Paris reference. 
> 
> I have a head canon that Hilda and Zelda were both nurses during WWI.
> 
> I took a quick walk today and during it got the inspiration to write a series of little Spellwell/Madam Satan snapshots that are all inspired by songs. So far I have vague ideas for fics based on "Far Away" by Ingrid Michaelson (which would be Spellwell), "Boogie Feet" by Kesha (Madam Satan), and Twistin' the Night Away by Sam Cooke (another Spellwell). Show of hands if you're interested?
> 
> The longer, angstier Spellwell fic is coming! I really want to have the first chapter posted soon.


End file.
